I have given it a lot of thought over the last few weeks about what my message is supposed to be. Why am I even advocating for cannabis? I decided to just lay it out for anyone willing to read.
Cannabis has helped me in many ways it's hard to put it all into words so I won't go into complete detail or add everything.
I have severe depression, attachment disorder and to top it off anxiety around people. During my youth I had some traumatizing events happen that involved basketball, family and religion. I loved playing sports with my friends and even had coaches (uninvited) coming to my home in Tacoma Wa. just to ask if I could play on the team. Multiple times I was disappointed to the point of tears even and not allowed to play. To make this short, let just say I was faced with the choice to play basketball...but move out to my parents home (religious reasons). Around age 9 I think. I made the decision that haunts my life daily. I always wonder if I did the right thing. I decided to play basketball and move out of my home and live with my other parent.
Worse, I became good at basketball. I remember scoring 56 points. In Jr High winning the championship with the final shot. After the game I should have been ecstatic but I never felt so guilty.
Basketball was never the same for me after that. I progressed, improved a little but my desire to be great was gone. It hurt to play anymore and I became even more depressed.
In my teens I tried cannabis for the first time. I didn't really get stoned or maybe just didn't know I was. I remember smoking with my friends and laughing, chatting it up and it felt great. The first time I got stoned however, I was in love and I literally felt all this weight/anger/sadness melt away. Like the cooling sensation when you blow cold air on a sunburn. I smoked in a pop can at night, blew it through dryer sheets and a toilet paper roll with a little stash my friend left me a couple days before. Waited a few minutes, stared around my room cheerful and optimistic. A deep breath and a smile I knew cannabis would be in my life forever.
Cannabis has allowed me to be more empathetic. Love, trust and healthy relationships have eluded me the majority of my life. I have sabotaged relationships, lashed out in anger, isolated myself, and just been flat out depressed. I was scared to speak to people, or seek help. Sweaty palms and all but could throw you off with a clever joke and seem so confident. A superficial sort of charming I guess.
It got to be a chore winding myself up every day, ashamed I was giving up basketball, ashamed weed was the only thing around helping and I couldn't tell anyone. (It was still illegal then)
Cannabis has allowed me to see clearly and without anger/negativity. When I smoke, my mind can relax and process things in a more constructive fashion. Mental health issues, racism, family, losing real friends to murder/gangs/alcohol/drugs...honestly if I didn't have cannabis then to slowly process all this stuff at different angles, on my own time. I don't think I would be here writing this article. Cannabis has given me a new outlook on life even when things were just horrible on the inside and out. I have sought help and still it's a daily struggle for clarity that may never be found. Without cannabis however, who's to tell what kind of crazy Big-Harmaceutical drugs they would have me on.
I always felt after moving from Hilltop, Tacoma Wa I had story for men/women who might be suffering mental/health issues. I just didn't have my diagnosis yet. I always knew something just wasn't right.
I had many friends whom I never felt I developed a bond with. Part of me just never allowed it to happen. For which I'm sorry. I didn't smile enough or laugh at the right time.
It angers me alcohol/tobbacco/harma-ceuticals are legal and sold in grocery stores and gas stations on every corner. Dangerous substances that kill, cause deathly addiction and tear families apart.
Today I say "fuck it!" I'm laying it all out. I'm advocating for cannabis because I wouldn't be here without it. Pain management from surgery and sporting injuries, injuries from just being a knucklehead, and mental/depression pains, all this.....one plant....nuff said.
It has given me my life back and allowed me to start over on my terms. How dare anyone say this is a harmful plant. Why should anyone feel ashamed to use a plant that is so beneficial?